Within a year of this, my dad became abusive. It can be even tougher to try to figure out what to do about it. There are times I dont have any interest in my husbands hobbies, but I know that if I go with him to a Magic: The Gathering tournament this weekend, hell accompany me to see the new Pixar movie when I want to go. July 2, 2013, 12:45 pm. July 2, 2013, 11:13 am. i ask my son to pay 250.00 a month to pay car insurance and cell phone. I cant concentrate, I get bored, shit distracts me, I have to deal with the kids/dogs/etc and then people bitch Im not there to play, then I play badly as Im not paying attention.. so I try to get out of it then get all snitty reactions since Im not joining in having fun. It makes them feel safe. Good luck! He thinks it's ridiculous. Not Ready To See You With Anyone Other Than Their Biological Father. I assumed my mom was always just mom like. I remember our reaction (me and my bro) when we found out she liked Led Zeppelin . He came home and threw his briefcase on the ground. Though unsettling, your partner was not boring. J said the shows and books listed are things mature, intelligent adults like. , so i guess it cuts both ways. Good stuff all around! She played Meribor (spelling.) Meanwhile both Buffy and Firefly are all ancient history as far as teens are concerned Worse, Buffy is VERY annoying to anybody with an even vaguely high IQ.
What to Do If Your Child's Behavior Is Ruining Your - Lifehacker He is clearly not getting the message. Are they harboring some passive/aggressive need to prove that love wont last and unconsciously sabotaging every chance that it could? How so? If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at wendy@dearwendy.com. Definitely. temperance Show interest in his interests. FOR the past four months, my friend has been chasing a guy at college. How about trying to find an interest that all 3 of you could enjoy together? Really truly. But if she IS uninformed, then its good for him to point it out and provide her with ways to become informed. It takes a bit of work to plan activities when she comes visit me in Chicago (my parents are happily married, but visit me separately) but we bound over food and shopping for kitchen stuff! Twin Flame & Soul Mate Guide, 22 Things You Should Know in Dating Latino Men: What To Expect, Dating Canadian Men: 22 Things You Should Know & What To Expect, Dating Australian Men: 22 Things You Should Know & What To Expect, Dating American Men: 22 Things You Should Know & What To Expect. Theres making a light-hearted joke when something is spilled, and then there is telling your child that what makes her happy is stupid. But you know what. WOW! If shes expected to learn to take an interest in HIS hobbies, its fair that the same be expected of him every so often. Is It True? temperance July 2, 2013, 12:04 pm, If shes expected to learn to take an interest in HIS hobbies, its fair that the same be expected of him every so often.. This is actually not difficult. You and your husband are partners and your job is to guide your daughter lovingly into adulthood, giving her all the tools you can to be independent, strong, and self-assured. Instead of a camping trip they could go for a bike ride together, with a friend, or walk a trail in a local park. Then Id tell you to keep pushing for her to spend time with you. YES! Im peace-ing out. 2.5K views, 176 likes, 19 loves, 3 comments, 12 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Inframundo Relatos: SPOTIFY:. My partner teaches high school students and they went NUTS for Sherlock this past year. Why cant he ask simple questions about what is her favorite episode and why? He's clearly not interested in her and I don't want to look stupid when I ask him. Seriously? Im guessing the teen might be into the more recent iterations of Star Trek, the latest movies to come out of that franchise. My parents did stuff with me because I wanted to and vice versa, of course thats important! She doesnt want counseling, but maybe parenting classes? Im breaking out in hives. I mean you describe your partner (who sounds amazing BTW) as cultivating her interests and introducing her to things which doesnt sound like what this dad is doing. And also, him treating her with respect and letting her know he values her, well that will also help shape her future relationships where she will know she deserves to be respected, valued and loved. Buffy was popular in what, 1997? I think This Old House was all overbut only we know Miss Judy. bittergaymark Also have to add that her father probably doesnt realize it, but at that age I felt like criticism of what I took an interest in was equal to criticism of myself. I think the dad sounds like kind of a jerk, and heres why growing up (and now, lets be real), I was a total geek for many things, including Star Wars (and I was born in 84, so it was years behind the times for me, too). Oh, how fun for all three of you to just sit around endlessly for hours while the dvd player spins Buffy endlessly And then, next, comes Angel! I think its great that he invites her and wants to share his interests with her. I enjoyed it so much, I went both mornings. Honestly, I think those first two sentences were the best point Wendy made. I think it would seem less like forcing if he wasnt being a dictator about other things I mean maybe if she could listen to her music or a Harry Potter book on tape in the car on the way camping the daughter would be in a better mood , Marjoralynnia Cant even describe how much I hate hate hate them!! And we always managed to have fun and more than a few laughs. . Mommy and daddy love each other. Awesome show full of information. Thats unfortunate (to say the least! But the dad is giving the kid homework? because I think that as the teen years progress you will need some better strategies to deal with the 2 strong personalities that surround you. Or, find the show about the science of Star Trek. But since we dont know which type of person the girls father is (bullying and hurtful, or rude/stubborn yet ultimately well-meaning) I think its helpful that people who had experience in this issue can comment.
Child Custody and Substance Abuse - Verywell Family Dad used people for his own good. Please do try to give the same gift to your daughter. Im sure its frustrating for him, I just think hes reacting in a jerk-ish way. Thats probably what her daughter is reacting to, and she probably sees her father as a bully. My interests are pretty close to hers (and yours!) I was trying to figure out how to phrase it. PS I also dont get why going camping and hiking versus Buffy-ing are mutually exclusive. Lastly, he should NEVER tell his daughter that things she likes annoy him. Shes all the better for it. How frustrating for your husband that you have turned your daughter into a clone of all the things about you that are probably annoying to him Things he has quietly tolerated for years But now are somehow totally taking OVER your lives. I mean ever. You dont have to worship the same pop culture icons to have solid relationships. He is dedicated and hard-working. If he had been the one to write to me, Id be giving him an earful, believe me), but it only means you need to step up and be MORE parental, which includes putting your daughters interests first. If your daughter is still willingly doing these activities I dunno since most teenagers are rather bratty and self absorbed and not keen on doing things they dont enjoy Id hazard a guess she finds them more fun than you would like. Oh, and he thinks TV can actually teach somebody something more relevant than the fact that its both rather silly and stupid to be a Vampire Slayer Not too mention angst-filled. Do I look back on those times with my dad now and appreciate the time we spend together? Its a source of strength, comfort, and love. Exactly Lily! Be happy that your daughter has a father who wants to be involved in her life. This results in a reflexive coping mechanism that severely restricts their hopes and desires in life. Heck, I even had a stringer attached to my waders. If youre struggling to get along with your teen or adult daughter, dont hesitate to seek professional help. I would have been crushed if he rolled his eyes when I was excitedly talking about something. And LW- anyone who tells you Firefly is not a good show doesnt know what their talking about! Whatever the reason, an alcoholic father can be very manipulative and controlling. Well I disagree with the context, but not the actual content, of this advice. I just wonder if there is an approach I have not considered. Essie I think you are looking at this through your own pov. I planned everything exactly the way he liked and it went down just like I thought it would. a single mom to her as her dad was never in the picture. By keeping a few key things in mind, you can make headway in even the toughest situations. Exposure to anything is great for children. Whatever the cause, its important to try to understand why this is happening, and take steps to rectify the situation before it causes lasting damage to your relationship with your daughter. I was like 7.) July 3, 2013, 9:47 am. . You also said that your daughter ~does~ participate in her fathers well-liked activities when he asks (& I do think you can do your part to encourage her participation, if youre not already.). 2. I cant believe you didnt address that. Yeah, I think its going to be hard for her to get her husband to listen to her parent to parent if hes already being alienated.
Distance In Relationship With Grown Child - Focus on the Family Does he like the 80s music? oh, wait - his father wanted nothing to do with him for years. meadowphoenix This part is simple: You must never let them in a vehicle with this man driving. I agree, of course people can be smart and informed and still like other stuff too. Theres alot wrong going on here, the parents should definitely get counseling to learn better communication and parenting skills. Okay, Harry Potter maybe. My dad really, really loves talking about the 60s, and some aspects of it, like the space race, I care about but dont really find compelling enough to discuss, but other parts, like the JFK assassination, Im fascinated by, so we talk about that a lot, along with the Civil Rights movement and what it was like to watch (he was there! Plus he writes strong female characters, which is good for any girl growing up to identify with. But you seem to have past that point long ago) Just as your husband has tried to cultivate in her his interests. So, yes, encourage your daughter to take an interest what your husband likes. He did crossword puzzles so I sat down next to him so I could learn and now we do them together. But every time they think theyve got it right, they find themselves, as if in a bad dream, back at ground zero, frustrated, undermined, and terribly confused. Most of which are tucked away out of sight. I think your daughter will be too, if you listen to Wendy.. As a counterpoint, I loved all the things my dad liked and he tried to do things I liked. I would go on drives to see the eagles, fished, endured Cardinal games and college basketball games. I mean, people always try to paint themselves in the best possible light and their opponent in the worst. He was just happy that I was excited about reading. That being said, its important to have fun hobbies, and I agree with their is a balance. Im supposed to make sure shes taking care of herself and shes so grateful that someone cares that much, and the next day Im trying to 'control' her. It is as if some hidden combination of childhood trauma and life experience made them terrified to owe their partners anything. Addressing issues with the person whos causing the problem is just a good habit to get into, you know? Unfortunately, the old woman fell ill, and Janet had to marry a worthless man in place of her parents' biological daughter to meet the maid's medical expenses. Courts take action when substance use, in the form of alcohol and illicit drugs, and/or misuse of prescription drugs actually hinders a parent's ability to care for their children or when the parent poses a danger to the children's well-being. It's never easy when feelings like this are not returned, but she needs to accept that a relationship with this guy seems to be a non-starter. July 2, 2013, 12:07 pm. Your days of Tigerbeat should be long tempered by now. The idea that you want your husband to now turn into what YOU probably secretly have always wanted him to be a fellow fanboy! Old Medication, New Use: Can Prazosin Curb Drinking? I dont see the comparison between telling a small child about healthy eating habits and forcing them to eat veggies and this situation. I definitely DONT think my experience and this familys are similar. When children become teenagers, they sometimes start to distance themselves from their parents. The way he is reminds me of my dad who, when I was growing up, if I was doing something HE didnt see the value in like I was watching the wrong shows on TV (GARBAGE, hed call it), for example would force me to turn it off. Also, seriously, have you been on Tumblr? It may take years and years before the pay-off is apparent. 1. What if your partner rolled his eyes and engaged in ever escalating arguments would you keep pushing them together!?! lets_be_honest Surely, they can find a few places where their interests overlap a little bit. It was always classic rock radio in the car, and at home he usually had some background music going, often from his own enormous collection of CDs that included everything from classic rock to blues to zydeco. Its not your fault if your partner and daughter dont get along. I loved how proud and impressed he was when I got the answer right, or parroted back some of his trivia. Please implore him to realize that if one of your daughters peers was reacting similarly to her, the two of you would deplore that child as a Mean Kid. Here are eight ways to tell if your partner is harming your relationships with your family. I love it. Now Im crying at my desk, for some reason. I had and to some extent probably still have some self-esteem issues that stemmed from my dads iffy parenting. He went to jail for beating up his new wife and hurting her little boy. He's been this way for some time, so I suspect he will not change quickly nor easily. Now she's asked me to talk to him for her and, the truth is, I'm fed up with her moping and simply don't want to. Oh, This Old House. bittergaymark Jake O'Kane: Is the DUP really going to sink the Assembly and reject the Windsor Framework? 1. July 2, 2013, 1:12 pm, It wasnt deliberate. He then referred to it as anti-hunting shit, and we werent allowed to like it. AITA for saying my husband's ex is interfering? At a certain point you just have to laugh at all the differences and enjoy the fact that the other person is having a good time! It should open up LWs eyes to the reality of the situation. Im guessing that you probably make comments about him every so often to your daughter. New readers, welcome to Dear Wendy, a relationship advice blog. One of my MILs (I am so lucky; I get three, FML) has a serious issue with me I mean epic butt hurt level, because I CANNOT do board games or card games. Otherwise theyll never be able accept the ribbing and teasing that happens in life. Did nobody notice this in the OPs letter? The things she listed that her daughter is into isnt mindless pop culture. And, yes, you ARE being greedy, because as much as your daughter may genuinely enjoy your time together pursuing interests you both share, she is missing out on a relationship with her dad and all the things he can teach her through his interests. July 2, 2013, 1:01 pm. To do that, I think she has to be less invested in making sure child is 100% happy 100% of the time and I think she has to rationally explain to her husband how some of his actions are being perceived. and hes an attorney, and Im sure the rest of the family wants to stab us). Did I love that stuff? Ostensibly through her mother. I mean, you cant FORCE a kid to like camping. That means the communication isnt effective and it may be that your husband has to hear this from someone outside the situation. Soulmate Initial On Left Thumb? Seeing him cultivate her interests and introduce her to things I never would have has been a blessing.
The Substitute Wife: My Poor Husband is a Billionaire Such is not the case if youre on the end of a crazy-making partner. Ask the dentist: Why can some people not cope with the word 'fat'? But as a kid/teen, I wanted him to play. After all, the child is innocent and helpless, while the spouse is an adult who can take care of themselves. And something about him wanting the daughter to be more competitive just struck me the wrong way. I finally watched Firefly for the first time last night with my bf who has been begging me to watch it with him. If you dont find the info you need in this column, please visit the Dear Wendy archives or the forums (you can even start your own thread), do a search in the search bar, or submit a question for advice at wendy(AT)dearwendy.com. Usually sharks.). As a mum who has exactly the same issue, I cant help but feel that this advice missed the point. If it doesnt come from both sides, its hard to want to do something with the other person, if the other person doesnt do anything to see your side of it. My mom and I both liked movies, reading, pop culture, and shopping. Things like going for ice cream. The dad cant have it both ways being rude while demanding respect and attention. As always, your anonymity is golden. Educational trivia game, reading articles and discussing them together or in a game format. It's as though he can't stop himself from being dictatorial, negative or critical, and all this has done is drive them away. She occasionally plays them with her friends but she could care less whether she wins or loses because she doesnt care for them and so she isnt invested in the game. Additionally, she may worry that if she stays in an unhappy marriage like yours, it will damage her relationship with her future spouse. Intimate partners count on each other to maintain a sane interaction. lets_be_honest The mother is at a loss as to why her husband is driving her daughter away, but she has a few theories. Lily in NYC Cover your daughter and her husband with generous . I hope that you can in the process of all this also try to strengthen your marriage, because when your daughter gets new interests in two years or doesnt want to hang out with her parents or even when she moves out of the house, your husband is going to be the one who youre left with. Build him up to your daughter while your opinion still means something to her. Agree i cant imagine being receptive to spending time with my dad when it consists of him mocking what my 12-year old self likes AND assigning me reading assignments. He's just as cool and aloof with me these days and I'm not sure how I feel about him anymore. And if the mom feels this strongly about it and him interrupting them, I would bet that she complains about her husband to her daughter, which is not OK. Sophronisba He is also very critical of both of us, but particularly of her lack of competitiveness (she hates team sports, and takes archery and piano but only for fun), lack of initiative, and being uninformed,, Yep. It seems way more acceptable to be a nut for sports but if you watch Buffy? You know what, I thought you were going to lay in hard when I first started reading, and I was thinking to myself Oh fuck, hes going to hit on all her worst innermost thoughts and shes just going to run screaming away from DW but frankly, I think you are completely right. I was so annoyed! I tried to go fishing with my dad a few times when I was younger and it was the most boring thing on the planet. Trust that Mark would have PLENTY to say if someone wrote in replacing Buffy with sports. When I asked why she didn't say something to him then, she said that they only ever talk about college stuff and the moment never seems to be quite right. Ive been there. Sorry Wendy (and LW) I think your answer was as wrong as it was long. My eldest daughter left for university five years ago and has never come home, though I do chat with her by phone. bittergaymark Anyway, a person shouldnt be forced to read something they find boring, but I think that its reasonable for the dad to try to encourage that so that she grows up knowing theres stuff outside of her pop culture interests.
15 Mother-In-Law Behaviors That Deserve a Punch in the Face - Scary Mommy July 2, 2013, 12:15 pm. Its tough when you realize that your husband and daughter dont get along. Sorry but I dont understand why you married him. So the fact that there are things that he likes doing is a good start, and the fact that he wants to do those things with your daughter is excellent. I have to keep an eye on myself to make sure Im more mom than friend. He is your best friend, your teammate and your partner. LW, would your husband be up for a night of board games with you and your daughter?